For the first time EVER in my life, I am going to take care of myself. I am Project ME! I can’t do this on my own. I need the help of my friends.
I’ve neglected myself, I’ve hurt myself and I’ve even tried to kill myself. That clearly isn’t working for me. Let’s try something new… GET BETTER! My close friends are there for me, and I know I have your support. I WANT to do this. I WANT to get better.
So what the hell is wrong with me? Better question… what ISN’T wrong with me? I guess I was just born broken. I have an anxiety disorder, manic depression, S.A.D. and the newest one… *drumroll* an EATING DISORDER!!! I’m old enough to know better, what the fuck? And I know what you’re thinking, “just EAT, LITTLE BIRD!” I guess it’s not so easy.
Over the last six months, I lost 30lbs. I stopped buying groceries. I stopped eating. I stopped pooping. My menstrual cycle became erratic. I am extremely forgetful. I can’t focus. I’m tired all of the time. People stare at me. Friends think I’m unwell. I’m 5’3.5″ and my lowest weight as an adult was 95lbs.
For the record, I was COMPLETELY UNAWARE of what I was doing to myself. I had all of these excuses, “I’m not feeling well, “I forgot,” “I don’t have time,” “I fell asleep,” “there isn’t enough time.” Fortunately, a friend sat me down and called me out. Damn! I was doing this on purpose and I didn’t even know it! MOTHER FUCKER!!!
I have been to the doctor. I am being referred to a program at Health Science Centre. I am seeing a dietician/life coach and personal trainer. I am starting a new resistance weight training program to replace my 30 minute lunch runs. Today I weigh 111lbs.
I had to quit all the things I loved to do! I’m so used to filling up every waking hour so that I don’t have to deal with my problems, doing nothing is DRIVING ME CRAZY! I need a project. A project to fix ME.
What can you do to help?
Project ME! is a social project to share my personal struggles with anxiety, depression and anorexia. It starts with my story because it’s the only story I know.
After spilling my guts on Facebook, I was surprised by the number of people who shared similar experiences. This isn’t just about me, this is your story too. We can help others by taking care of ourselves first.
I can’t do this by myself. I will need guest contributors to share personal stories, knowledge & inspiration regarding nutrition, fitness, body image, mental health and other related issues.
If you have a story you’d like to share, or if you have an idea for a blog post, please Join ME! Feel free to comment or email me at redsaidfred (at) gmail (dot) com. You can also Follow Me on Twitter.
So who’s in?